Another year went by without writing a blog post.

I of course have the argument of being busy – as a full-time global company worker and a team leader, I’ve had my hands full. 

But I’ve also come to neglect Seoul Startups. Again, I can serve an argument that I was busy with work, waiting to set down a relaunch plan with a newly appointed community manager. Yadayadayada.

That would all be excuses. 

In reality I felt burned out and lonely, doing the community hustle by myself, for free (in fact paying for things out of my own pocket), without ever hearing anything but demands for more and better. And I decided enough was enough. That I needed to focus on earning money for MY own comfort, on building MY career and doing something that was appreciated. But professional work aside, I wanted to focus on things that genuinely make me happy: running outside, road trips down the coast, solo hikes and music festivals. In short, I realized what was so obvious, and in fact mentioned here a couple of times, that in order to be a better community leader, I have to be a better, healthier person. And that sometimes means taking a break. 

Sure, Seoul Startups is now in hibernation. But did anyone die because of that? Did the world end? Did business ventures go amiss? I’d argue not. Did I feel guilty? You bet I did. I got scared of opening the Slack app to see unread messages and call-outs from the community members. It honestly made me feel like a big fat failure. 

But as time went by and I spent time meditating on the picturesque Dadaepo beach, running down Blueline Park or climbing on of the Yongnam Alps, I realized… I was happy. And free. And really the only person, the only audience I had to please was myself and I. Not the 5,000 community members, not the social media audience, not the various government bodies nor my bosses. 

Despite the community work break, the passing year was no walk in the park for me. Two surgeries, a fall out with my family, a heartbreak from someone I thought was a friend. The 20-year old me would have been all dramatic about it. The almost-40 me just took it all in stride, albeit with a shade of sadness and melancholy. I guess the biggest gift of aging is the chill it comes with. 

Some have recommended Marcus Aurelius and other stoics as daily reading meditation. And as much as I do relate to some of the sentiments, I do believe in stepping down one own’s path, instead of having ‘forced fun’. We are all philosophers in our own right. I remember how much I dreaded philosophy classes in high-school. The super hipster, hyper cool and decadent teacher took explicit pleasure in pointing out how dim and un-imaginitive I was when trying to explain very extracts from Kante. I now know that I wasn’t dumb, just scared of making a fool of myself in front of the teacher and my very high-maintenance, oozing-with-intellectual-showoff classmates. That I was just not ready or prepared to ask… deep questions? To question the surrounding world? To negate the rules and norms I’ve been forced into since early age? 

I am ready now. Ready for enlightenment. But also ready not to give a shit about what others think and want of me. Will there be moments I will doubt this statement? Of course. Will I revert to my old habits of people-pleasing and meekness? Most likely. But I will set up on a journey of discovery.

This is all to say, Seoul Startups WILL be back. Because I want it to be. There will be a re-launch. There will be things happening. Will it be different? Yes. But it will always be an inclusive community where YOU can be YOU (as long as you care about the Korean startup ecosystem).